This is a Signpost

All summer I've kind of lazed about, sleeping long hours and being generally inactive. However, I mostly felt connected and like I hung out with people enough, even though I was trying to avoid using gas. This past week I've gotten a job that has me working evenings. Without a real change in how much I hang out with friends (honestly, I only worked four days), I suddenly feel like I need to be near people all the time. I feel very lonely and though I've been told I'm getting as close to forty hours a week as possible, I'm looking for a morning job to fill up more time. I don't really know what the deal is, and it might be related to my parents being on a little road trip, but I'm jonesing for peer company constantly. Sometimes I wonder what's going on in my own head.

I read about people traveling or having fun with their families, and I think about how I feel trapped in a bad place by joblessness and debt, how i feel guilty about spending credit instead of money. I think about the potential friendships I have and try to figure out why I'm not pursuing them. I think about how I don't want to get close to anyone here so that when I move back to Boston I won't hurt anyone... and about how I've drifted away from so many people back home. I read about stranger's lives and wonder where their problems are, I read about tragedies and wonder if I should care. Everything seems distant and indistinct- my goals, my connections to what makes me happy... they seem so ephemeral. Is my sense of self-worth linked to my net-worth? I don't like to think so, but a part of me seems to say yes. I see my brother's circle of friends, and, though I shouldn't, I compare it to my own. I feel like a facade in front of my family, a child in front of my friends, idle in front of my peers. My first instinct is to withdraw more, to throw up more barriers about my emotions, to become a blank to the world, to fit in and not to challenge... I want to be free, to know where I'm going, to make friends and art and music and happiness...

...but how?

I want to be at Webcomics Weekeheheheheennd! *wail*

1. Reply to this post and I'll assign you a letter.
2. List (and upload, if you feel like it) 5 songs that start with that letter.
3. Post them to your journal with these instructions.

1. "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" by Daft Punk
2. "Hard Rock Hallelujah" by Lordi
3. "Hope" by Apocalyptica
4. "Heartless" by Kanye West
5. "Hand to Phone" by Adult.

I'm not happy. Though if you asked me I'd probably say something along the lines of "YES, I'M JUST FINE." I'm in college and paying for it handily, the weather's warming up here, and I'm freeloading off my folks, but I don't feel like I'm close to anyone I can be myself around. I'm in debt because of a stupid decision involving a credit card, I'm unemployed an an area that was having a job crisis BEFORE the feds issued the panic order, and I am so. goddamn. alone. Wait, where have I seen this before? Oh right- the tubes are full of whiners. Hi guys how's it going? Just tossing my 2 cents into this sea of self-pitying twenty-somethings who really aren't that bad off. Thanks for reading have a nice life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cbk980jV7Ao

Smile!

http://www.sambakza.net/

woo!

Dear diary,
Today I discovered that for five years or so the power supply on my computer has been upside down. I believe this has led to the current state of non-operation in my dear Elsinore. It is my hope that when someone reads this they will contact me with the name of a reputable person to peer into the depths of my beloved computing machine and state with authority, "Ah, there's your problem!" and swiftly remedy it, returning to me my sweetest electronic.

[Updated from my brother's computer]

http://news.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=08%2F12%2F04%2F1826210&from=rss

Go go FP!

So I have an award letter dated November 13 that says $9k and one dated November 21 that says $5k. I called them and it turns out neither of those are right. I'm getting $4.5k from that grant. Including all the Stafford loans and whatever FPC is giving me I'm getting in the $8k range. What the hell. The total is less than the first letter I got. They sent me two award letters and each of them was wrong. That's so unprofessional. I want to get ahold of this Conway chick and make her explain herself to me.

WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (father's & mother's middle names)
Joe Lorraine

NASCAR NAME: (first name of your father's dad, mother's dad )
Wilbur Herbert

STAR WARS NAME: (the first 2 letters of your last name, first 4 letters of your first name)
Hijoel (hi?)

DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color, fav animal)
Brown Cat

SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you live)
Aaron Marietta

SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav alcoholic drink, add "THE" to the beginning)
The Green Apple Soda

FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)
Johi

GANGSTA NAME: (fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie):
Phish Food Vanilla Wafer (?)

ROCK STAR NAME: (current pet's name, current street name)
None Farm Walk (?)

PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on)
Erika Fairmont (???)


These don't really work for me.

1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.

"This was a precaution you learned to take because of a case on Corellia where doing just that had negative effects, yes?"
"The suspect died."
"You report says you used the fact that the lotiramine masks the presence of blastonecrosis to confront Bastra with his own mortality."

Is it bad that I can easily visualize an AMV involving the chorus of "Womanizer" and the Lucky Star intro?

http://jayisgames.com/archives/2008/10/something_amiss_chapter_3.php#comment-panels

A point and click adventure with a cool plot and a cooler visual style.